I had a class tonight and it was about grief. Coaching people who have experienced grief. There are so many areas we can experience grief.
As we spoke I was reminded of the grief I felt when I had to leave my children behind in Sydney when we were transferred to Brisbane. Even though I knew it was a possibility in life, I think I didn’t really expect it to happen to me. The thought of having to move them out of the house and find somewhere else for them, knowing they were at university and the pressures they would be under from that and home life was just devastating. As I reflect back on it, it still hurts. Why? They are doing really well. They are coping very well. Doing well in university. Graduating, getting through. One could say thriving. They have someone special in their lives as well as each other. I am grieving not being a part of their lives. I am missing out on things in their lives which I am finding difficult to cope with and accept. Having them in my life for so long and then not, its difficult.
Its easier to know they are doing well, but I can’t say I don’t miss them terribly. I have to let that go. I can still miss them, but I have to let go any anger or bitterness I have towards anyone who was involved in this.
We also left our church. That was a really difficult experience. There were people there who were very hurtful and I have been carrying around grief of moving but also resentment for how they treated me. But what good does this bring? Nothing. It just makes me suffer because they don’t know or care what they have done or how I feel. They probably have no idea I am still hurting. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I have to let it go.,